I cant breath
I cant move
my sister will be here in 7 minutes to pick me up to go for her fittings and one of mine...
I need to brush my teeth
Im going to try to wiggle out of my dress fitting for a few more weeks...
I have the dress got it last week
its to big
I just want it to fit PERFECTLY, I dont want to make any changes because I chose not to eat for a month and am still trying to get back to where I was
Its her day
if my dress is to big she will worry, I dont want her to worry
and its a wedding
my boy is dead and she is beginning her life
I dont begrudge her
Im just so broken
She wants just her and I to go, so we can just get some time alone together
she wants to get dinner after...it will be about 8pm, kinda late for dinner...but I have been "saving" for it all day so...
she will want some drinks too
That I am okay with, at least the food will go down easier.
Please Lord dont let me lose it when I see her in her gown, dont dear lord let me have a flash back to my wedding leaving me in heaps on the floor..
Let this be ALL about her..
okay, GET UP TARA AND GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH, its okay just go do it
Brush your hair
put on your shoes...
You will be okay, meds are in the bag
okay breath Tara, you are okay
The dinner will be good, if you werent going you wouldnt eat because its 6 now and you know you would just go to bed hungry so this is good you need the food, its going to be okay...
come on tara...shes here...GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!
Breath...she s yelling my name...
Go, do this for her...go on...go...
okay I m getting up RIGHT NOW!!
pray for me im in like high panic mode, and I dont want her to know..
shit here she comes
do not want this seen
love you all