Saturday, June 20, 2009

Dont touch the tiger

I was talking to K the other day complaining cause I am on exercise retriction (AGAIN) and I was whinning on how unfair it is and it feel like I am being punished and my usual whoa as me victim role.... and she says you know what " do you want to go to the Zoo?"...

"what?" I asked kinda like where is she going with this one you know?

so she repeated herself and added "lets go see the tigers!"

okay so I am trying to follow her and this i swhat she said" The tigers are so beautiful, and magestic from afar, and from a DISTANCE they cant hurt you, why because you are just looking at them"...but she says suppose you say to me lets climb over the fence and get closer to the tiger...its so pretty i just want to touch it...well the danger starts to increase and addrenilin starts to increase, you heart starts to beat faster and your body know danger is coming, but you are still okay cause you arent close enough to the tiger yet, so you still feel safe and you want to get closer to the tiger, you deciede you want to TOUCH the tiger, after all its been fine up until now. ANd then you reach up and try to touch the tiger but it lets out a mighty roar and bites you....right in the ASS!

So running is like a tiger, its nice to watch and its beautiful and strong from a distance...you may even get a false sense of security because it seems so innocent and harmless and hasnt hurt you yet...but sooner or later that exercise is going to bite my ass off...and that my friend sis what I have to remember and focus on.

Runnning is like the tiger!! It will always trick me into thinking it is harmless but in the end it will definately eat me alive...

Is this hard to accept you bet, Am I in complete denial... not so much...I know how harmful running is for me, that it is teh catalyst for my eating disorder, do I want that fact to change....oh yeah baby...but will it...well not any time in the forseeable future...so what must I accept...teh yoga is as far as it goes for me, Im mean how obbessed with deep breathing and stretching can one become? Well that is a silly question I suppose with my personality it could be very addicting ...I just cant let it be I need to gain some control over this disorder!!!

So PHP is going pretty well, they are working with me on some of the borderline and bipolar stuff I have going on as well as working on the ED, I am learning allot of DBT skills by the great Marsha Linihan! Actually A my T up at the hospital trained with her so I guess she know s her stuff...

any who I wont be touching a tigers any time soon...for fear of losing my ass, or insert (life)here.

love, Z

7 comments:

Dee said...

LOL...that is a very good analogy! And so true. I totally knew what she meant when you first brought it up.

they are really trying to help Z...i know it is hard to give in, but its a need. Accept.

You can do it! tell yourself that..."I can do this!!because this is for me. I can do this for me!

glad that PHP is helping.

lisalisa said...

ahahah i watched SO many Marsha linehan videos when i was at the center for change! Ahh, memories...

I'm glad you are resisting the urge to run; it sounds like the work you are doing in PHP is definitly having a positive effect! You just sound so much better then you did before you went IP. i'm glad your treatment team is focusing on more than just your eating disorder. i know for myself when my BPD gets out of control my ED gets worse. THe dbt is really helpful :)

Telstaar said...

Oh my, I love this post, I so plan to use this analogy in the future. Particularly for one behaviour I have.

Keep fighting the fight. You are getting there, one step at a time.

Love you Tara.

*hugs*
Love Telly xo

Flushed said...

Wow, what an interesting way of looking at it.

Good read.

now.is.now said...

I was put on exercise restriction too. I had to stop running for a year and a half. It was hard at first, but then I got used to not running. I don't think I could have made nearly as much progress as I've made towards eating healthfully in the past couple of years if I hadn't restrained from exercising. So, KEEP AWAY FROM THAT TIGER! (at least until given professional permission to start exercising) IT IS WORTH IT! I don't have BPD but my therapist is really into DBT too. I'm just starting to understand what it is. I'm glad you're finding it helpful. I'm rooting for you!

firefly said...

AHH DBT by marsha Linehan, Four areas are.........Fill in the blank. It was drilled into us at MP but the lessons weren't. I miss you! It's good reading your blog though. Call sometime!

Jena said...

I really like that analogy as well. I'm a visual person. ;)