Saturday, September 24, 2011


every time Pdoc says it I cringe, I hate it, and after not drinking for quite somte time the episodes have gotten pretty bad...when I used to get manic I would drink so I could sleep and it would depress me so for a long time I was able to skate under the radar with a Bipolar 2 dx.  I prefer that much more, but my pdoc could never understand that when in hospital they would up my lexapro and I would get manic so much so they(hospital)they would constantly be giving things to do, art work  and their paper work and taking me on walks and more art and I would get home and resume to my drinking and the mania would disipate but I have drank only a handful of times since march and the episodes have become obvious, to the point that when I crash its horriable and I am ashamed at the things I have said, although being able to work for hours on end is pretty bad you always crash....anyway I dont know, Im pretty upset about this dx I know I shouldnt be but I am, my ED is popping up and eating has become difficult, more because when I am up I have no hunger and when I crash Im so low I dont want to eat, I have saw K last night and am going really hard to follow the mp, its just hard when your hunger cues dont seem to be there...anyway, I did get my paper done last night I was very energentic, took my pills around midnight, woke up a few times and today am just feeling blahhh, although I did clean my house from top to bottom, the bleach still smells on my hands, guess i should have worn gloves...okay guess I should shower now.

love you all


1 comment:

firefly said...

Figured I'd risk the blog world to check out what has been going on. I as I wrote last night never have time to blog. I look at people status if they pop out. Feel like I've sold my sole to the foundation and parents who want to talk etc. I could sit in my room for hours and not get through them all I had some back reading because a while back I would check and there wouldn't be anything I saw that message from Anonomous and have a feeling but we'll take that to fb message. As for drinking Tara, I thought you meant you were not drinking like liquids now I get it alcohol. So does mania feel like you are just really anxious and can't fall asleep? That's my issue nothing will kick me out. Would that be mania? Things will get better. I'm glad your house sold. What does the LPN do? Are they the ones that take vitals in hospital. You know how you said working with peds may be sad? I find those children inspiring. They may be sick feel awful throw up but the next minute they are more determined to get up and go on. Are there really that many kids in hospital with eds? We don't even have adult unit here, the peds floor is mostly closed. Well that is Portsmouth and you saw how small the area is. good luck