Scary news

My Father in law is sick, normally I would say take some asprin and call me in the morning but this is no joke he is really sick. He has cardio myopathy i have no I dea how to spell it but it basically means his heart muscle is deteroriating...at a pretty rapid pace...if the meds work he could live anywhere from 2 to 20 years 20 years GREAT!!! 2 not so good, I am very sad for M and even my MIL, whom I dont usually feel sorry for but right now she is scared, so she deserves some compassion.and prayers.

So being the selfish person that I am it brings to light my own mortality. We dont live forever and I had better get my act together or i could be next...I have three beautiful children who need thier mom and I dont want to die ( since they fixed my meds...) I want to live. Free... from this demon that forever haunts me.

A friend of mine lost a friend to her ED. SHe was found dead over her toilet. A shit ass way to die if you ak me, that could have been me many a times over. Her dad found her. It could have easily been my children that found me.

I take all this mortality very seriously. I need to live for my family, they need me and I cant go before my time due to me engageing with my ED. I have no choice to recover and be strong because if some thing were to happen to my FIL I need to be strong and nourished to help my family through what would be a devastating loss. He is the patriarch of the family. Strong willed and tough...someone you dont expect to get sick...he s to tough for that or so we thought...keep him in your prayers guys...keep us all in your prayers.

Oh and I dont know if there was a mix up or something but I dont leave for camp til this thursday...I will definately update when i get back cause I CANT WAIT til we get out of here...yeah for nature...I will soak it up and breath it in because that my friends is real. Back to nature sounds real good and so does the not having a mirror to body check in. I am hopeing this will be a ED free vacation. i am leaving ED at home!!!!

oh and one more thing my step son graduated from high school...way to make me feel old....

Love Z