Thats it...I mean not "to old" in age as Im to OLD to STILL have this Eating Disorder...It was okay at 15...it was okay at 20...it was okay at 25 and even at 29...but now I am ashamed...I am to OLD for this...I dont want it any more....What does that mean...I dont know..I mean clearly it means If I dont want to feel ashamed i need to get better...but holy shit heads i am freaking scared!!!Does my eating sucko?...yes sir!! Do I want to do this? NOPE!!! but... Do I know I need to? You bet ya!....hmmmmm whats a girl to do? oh yeah ...EAT!!!
Thats it...just wanted to "say" it.
Oh and I am not calling my eating disorder ED anymore...I mean really lets call a spade a spade...Ed is not real...it is not some other person forceing me to starve, or berate and belittle me. Its a disease. I have it so I must deal...or at least recover from it...I mean people who have any other disease dont name it...like its some kinda sick friend Do they?? Really I mean thats a question, cause i dont know maybe they do.
All I do know is whether I want to or not I have to face facts, although sometimes(okay allot) it FEELS like its not my choice, in reality it is...only I can decide to recover...it is ulimately up to me (unless one of you want to do it for me,I mean if you do feel free, just let me know cause that sure would alieve some of the pressure)
Will I chose Recovery today? Im not sure yet (at least Im being honest)...but really Its not up to "ED"...IT IS MY CHOICE,YES IT SUCKS...but at least I am not in denial...so thats a start right???
And just to let you know I will probably still write ED cause im lazy and its easier then writing out the whole 2 words :) So im not a hypocrite, just lazy.
Disclaimer: I am not in any way saying that by saying "ED" told me to...or whatever...is wrong or not right for any of you cause it works for you and gets you to your ultimate goal...which i am assuming is recovery then thats great!!!! Its just not right for me anymore, I think its holding me back, its preventing me from taking responsibility for my actions, its preventing me from reaching the "RECOVERED" state...and as scary as it may be...that really is my goal.
okay well i was just gonna write im to old for this but i guess i needed to write something...hmmmmm...its not to late for breakfast...its only 10:30...i dont know, we'll see, but it is my choice, at least i've finally realized that...better late then never i suppose.
Have a beautiful Recovery filled day!!