Am i lazy??

Since I stopped my compulsive exercise all i do is clean the house, play with kids,use the computer, and ummm lay sround like I did today..I FEEL so LAZY!! which if you know eds its a BIG trigger..to feel like a lazy sloth...which is what I feel like!!!

I know in my head I would NOT be able to exercise normally right now even if I really tried and I know that I MUST NOT exercise but still I feel like a crap head and ummm shame to say at the same time I am enjoying the NON RIGID life style of a compulsive exerciser...and its scary...like big time scary!!!

Will I becoem so fat sloth who hates to move and its a chore..I feel like I must be viligent and I cant let myself relax caus eif I do who knows what might happen..i for sure dont..le sigh...

I read about all these Eded people ALLOWED to exercise and think "why cant that be me" why cant I be normal..why does exercise have to be have to be such a trigger...crap it pissing me off...

LIke massively

i am sick of Ed


I am sick of being so not in control with my body when will it ever end...food, wieght, body , exercise..ugh..its not fair...really its NOT fair

i am really on this Its not fair mentality

Blahhhhh

feel for me folks cause really I am feeling pretty bad about it crap I want someone elses brain...

I am so lazy

or at least feel that way...

Love, Z