If you had asked me 15 months ago, while I sat locked in the hospital on suicide watch if I could possiably be even remotely close to where I am in life right now I would have laughed at you, or maybe even have gotten angry at the thought that you or anyone would expect anything from me but dysfunction, disease and addiction.
Late last June I was slightly manic and on a whim called my mother and told her I was going to go to Nursing school. I took the entrance exam, passed, went for my interview and BAM I was a Nursing student!! It was a grueling 10 month, 32.5 hr a week program, and at times I didnt think I would make it. BUT I did and I did it well, I graduated with honors last Tuesday evening. When they called my name for academic honors I was floored. I mean how could I an Eating Disordered Alcoholic Graduate with honors. I have been in tx for 11 years, with relapse after relapse. I was a frequent flyer at our local physciatric unit. But I did it. I slipped up here and there and nearly completely relapsed in January, but I dug my heals in and looked at what my hopes and dreams were, what I needed to do for my family and I stuck with it.
I (insert sly grin) excelled in the mental health course and when the topic turned to suicide I was asked by instructor to speak to each of the 3 classes on my experiance and I did and yes I cried but I also shed light on such a taboo topic. With the help of the student advisory we (as a class) got involved in an "Out of the darkness" walk at a local university, to raise funds to raise awareness on suicide prevention. we raised nearly 2000 dollars and maybe saved a life.
I feel like my life has come full circle. while I still have an ED and struggle with addiction I also know now Im a fighter. Im not a lifer. Im not sentenced to die by my own hands..... I will persevere!!!
I still have to study and pass my boards then I will officially be a LPN, but Im already looking forward to taking some classes part time to work toward my RN in January. "Never stop learning". My only regret is that Mike isnt here to see me succeed. I pray he is watching and that he is proud....because for the first time in my life I can say I am proud of ME!!!!
Never stop fighting!!! Never stop believing!!! Never lose hope!!