I havent had a computer for a few days and I had intended this post to be an update about what has been happening in my life..cause really allot has been going on...Im still purge free...which is good...really struggling with intake and have been really enjoying my time spent with the boost...sarcasm...in a major way!!!
But really I feel something much more pressing needs to be talked about...and this I know will really hit some of us in a more personal way and is majorly difficult to talk about but really I have to talk about because its causing my insides to ache...in the last 6 months I have known of 3 people that were either directly connected to me or connected to someone that I care deeply for and these 3 people have taken their own lives...all by the same method....most recently my future brother in laws best friend killed himself on monday...he was to be the best man in thier upcoming wedding this fall and now both my sister and her fiance are devasted...I say this to point out that yes the poor souls that ended thier lives were despertly suffering and obviously not in their rational mind. They ended what in most case is a temporary problem with is what is obviously a permenant solution. Their pain was ended but those that remain their pain is just beginning...my sister and her fiances family are devasted...as am I because I can relate to the feeling of just not wanting to deal with my own pain anymore and I am sure that many if not all of you have at one time or another have dealt with those feelings...lucky for us we were provided with the care and support that we needed so thatwe didnt take those drastic measures...or (did) we...
I mean really folks lets face it. What we are doing to ourselves is suicide...yeah it takes allot longer that taking a bunch of pills or tying a rope around our neck but it has the same result! WE WILL DIE!!! I mean what will it take to get it through our thick skulls THIS WILL kill us for some it may happen slowly over years..or maybe we will die a sudden heart attack but the result in the end is the same...we'll be dead. And that my friends is irreverciable there is no coming back once your dead. I hate to be such a downer but really I feel this is something that I had to say. Eating disorders are a vial and disgusting disease.... we need to fight harder, we need to do whatever it takes to survive. we were put here for a purpose... and I can gaurante that it wasnt to suffer the way we have been suffering. Its time for us to live. Its time to be free!!!
I m sorry if I sound like Im lecturing you that is not my intention...i just want you all to know how valuable you all are and even when you dont feel like you are worth fighting for know that you are invaluable to your loved ones...if the thoughts wont leave you alone just imagine someone you love staring at you over your coffin.
I love you all...please keep fighting!!!