didnt mean to worry anyone I have been just super busy with the day program...working the program doing the best I can to kick this Ed in the rear!!!
We had a joint session with the T up there today ( at the day program ) ( M and I ) it went great ..we talked about how he could better support me and how I need to stop shutting him out...ouch! I didnt even realize I did that, its amazing to what therapy does for you. I exchanged emails with S on tuesday and it went great. we discussed me working the program and her continuing her work with me when I am discharged...whew....let me back up...
SS the T up at the day program had made a comment to me about "Wondering if S would still see me cause sometimes Ts terminate with non-compliant patients" well ofcourse I freaked out...but I did it silently this time and kept it all to myself...I looked at her strangely but didnt say a word while I panicked inside..I was terrified and the thought that S might terminate me was ruminating in my mind..yep I was full bore on the verge of a panic attack!!!!
So I emailed S calmly and rationally and told her what SS had said and was there any truth to it or did she come up this of her own valition...it turns out she did, I mean S never said she would terminate her in fact she never even spoke with SS but now tha she knew who to contact she would surely be doing so...so Wheeeeewwwwweeeee!!!!
S is not going to terminate me!
on to better things
A starts kindergarden in less then two weeks and I am freaking out, I am so worried shes not ready I mean with having a mom who has been in tx 2 summers in a row doing day programs and trying to get well I havent exactly been the most present mother in the world....So I am worried for her, they say its natural no parent thinks there child is ready to start school but I am just so nervous for her...ekkk i have mini panic atttacks whenever I think about it.
I really want to drink tonight
but I am resisting the urge I am useing allot of DBT skills, buts its freaking hard, man alive its hard.
I am back to taking my meds regularly which is good and I am working on the healing process.
I had a flat tire tuseday night...completely shattered flat, when its time for some new tires flat...another bummer...it seems its been one thing after another lately ...
I ll be around more...but less if you know what I mean, I am cutting back on my computer use ( it became another complusion )
okay folks thats all she wrote...