Im Home

seeing a little more clearly..

Dealing with horrific nightmares, due to no longer self medicating, and things once again resurfacing ( OH JOY)

Im home, thank god

back to trying to make things okay

It was a much needed break .... learning how to self care again was very important...Im trying...

Im trying, flat this morning...

but much better then I was

Tired I think

Drinking coffee with no splenda

I will post a real post soon...

just wanted to let everyone know Im going to be okay, and yes I am home

oh and 10 days no smokes

almost


KILLED ME

:) :) :)


Love, Tara

Hospital

Im going Ip friday

for trauma, suicidal thoughts and attempts and detox and a med staightout all much needed

thats all

just thought Id let you all know I gave in

let go of my pride

and decieded my kids deserve a mother who isnt trying to off herself at every turn...

no computer

no phone

no smokes

I hope I am heavily medicated

or it just might make me crazier

okay

peace out

try to update tomorrow on real feelings

right now

not sure how I feel

catch 22

I want out
but It seems that I have so much to live for
I dont to go IP
but I would like the safety it provides...from myself
Im exhausted....but...cant sleep
I spend my days betweens mania and depression...rapid cycling
hell I think
Its all a catch 22 because if I die I wont know if there is more for me out there
but if I live its all such pain and work
Im so tired
I wish I could just die for a while then come back when I am ready to fight
but it doesnt work that way
its a catch 22
and I am undecieded as to which way I want to go
I am a mom
but if I wasnt
I would just take the out
because really
the misery
out wieghs
the joy
for now I will go on
day to day
doing my job
praying for old age
when death is acceptable
its going to be a long life
and Im already so tired
what happened
last week I was excited to live
now
I dont want to