I swear....

or i would freaking like to cause everyone in my house is driving me insane!!! My daughter is 6 and thinks she is 15...shes become the biggest bitch with the biggest attitude...I just want to scream at her "what is your fing problem...why to hate me so much??" Oh and dont get me strarted on the 4 yr old. ALL HE DOES IS CRY. For everything...he cant have a piece of gum...cry. He cant find his ball...cry. Alyssa is mean to him....cry....oh and he hates me too. How do I know you ask? well cause he told me so!!! what 4 yr old tells there mother the women who gave him life he hates her...Ill tell you who, my kid!!!

where did I go wrong, I feel like I am a pretty good mom, I mean yeah I have an ED but shit, I take them to the park ALL the time, go on field trips, bake cupcakes, mend boo boos, stay all night with hacking kids, clean thier vomit, feed them, love them, hug them kiss them...tell how special they are, how pretty they are how great they are at gymnastics and baseball and singing and soccer. How well they draw, and paint and write. I do thier homework with them, listen to kindergarden drama and show empathy...geez what else can I do...some one tell me PLEASE!!!!

I am so fustrated right now I could practiclly cry I mean really what else could possiably happen. Isaiah fell at Alyssa softball game this morning and busted his lip, I mean he fell right in front of me like I tried to grab him but was a milisecond to late...and why did he fall you ask, well cause Zack tripped him...why would he trip him?? why?? why would he be so mean? did I not love him enough as a baby...maybe casue I cryed when I found out I was having a boy when I was pregnant. I nursed him for 9 months maybe that wasnt enough...maybe he needed more maybe he needed less...who knows.

Then you have Alyssa who wants to eat like ALL the time, and I give in but geez its so fustrating...she eats cause shes bored or lonely or sad or something other tehn hungry...actually ALL my kids lifes revolve around food..anywhere we go the main question is "can we get a snack...whine...." Park....they want a snack...softball, baseball, gymnastics, bowling, bounce and play, you name it they want something and yes I give in allot, cause i dont want them to deny themselves food like I do...where is the happy medium? EVERY WHERE WE GO THEY WANT SOMETHING!!!! and they cry cause I say NO!!! cry cry cry.

I am so fustrated right now...Zack is now crying as I type cause he cant put his pants on after his bath. He literally just said to me "Im to lazy" WTF!!! How did I raise kids like this and will it ever get better? will it ever be peaceful and calm?

I suppose I will wake up one day to an empty house. There will be no babies crying, No kids fighting. No boo boos to clean and kiss to make all better, No stories to read or homework to do. No one to sing songs with or chase in the yard, No ERs to sit in, No vomit to clean, No tears to wipe or games to watch or kids to potty train...I suppose one day I will wake up and realize these were the best years of my life and I missed them cause I spent to much time bitching...but I swear.... This mother thing is hard

okay i feel a little better...maybe Ill go hug a kid or three after all I dont want to miss the good things.

Z